One of the things I remember most about my Grandmother is her quilts. She was infamous in our family for using remnants from sewing projects or tearing up old clothing to use for her quilting. I remember helping to make quilts when I was small, tying the knots while the quilt was stretched over a frame as we prepared a new one for someone else. Everyone in the family received at least one and some had several. I believe my life is a lot like those quilts, pieced together of new and old. Our family had some dark secrets and the healing journey has led me through a sorting process where I kept some pieces and left others behind to create the quilt of my life today. Just like the connection between our family and my Grandmother’s quilts, I believe the five things I value most come from the strength gained through my family.

The first thing I value most in my life is my own inner strength and conviction. When I started having memories of abuse as a child, it was inner strength that carried me through many dark hours of healing. This inner strength kept me focused on love when my teenage daughter told me she was pregnant and today I have a wonderful grandson to show for it. My inner strength carried me through my son’s attempted suicide and helped us to grow as a family. And my strength carried me through my fiancé’s arrest for a crime he didn’t know he was committing. Each event has required that I chose which pieces to hold onto and what to let go of. My commitment to loving supported by my inner strength is what carries me.

The second thing I value most is my relationship with my mother. We have not always had the kind of relationship we share now. My healing journey included learning to forgive her for not knowing what was happening around us and for lying to me about my own father. Learning to let go and just focus on what we have today has been a long process but well worth it. We share a love of gardening and plants. Our visits together always include a garden conversation, typically a trip to a garden center and a walk around our own gardens talking about what’s next or what’s new. We’ve shared plants and compared how they grew differently in each other’s gardens. Amongst the garden plants we are now free to talk about the past, share joys and pains of the present moment and visions of the future. My mother is now my greatest ally.

The third thing I value most is my relationship with my children and my grandson. We have always had a close rapport that included lots of laughter and a close sense of camaraderie. As my children have grown into adults, we have faced the challenges of growing new relationships. The underlying connection we have always shared has been tested and has persevered. We have learned to allow one another space to be individuals and at the same time maintain a connection that is immediately apparent when we are together. I have great respect for who they are and marvel when I see the strength I carry reflected in who they are.

The fourth thing I value most in my life is my capacity to create. I suspect I got my creativity and my mental ability to solve a problem from my Grandfather. He was a machinist and invented a ditch cleaner for the local farmers and the first sugar beet picking machine. I now see those same capacities in myself. I find myself questioning how to do something, first thinking I don’t know how and then determining to figure it out. This determination has led me to go to massage school and become a massage therapist; has been instrumental in creating gardens for birds, butterflies and my own enjoyment; and has helped in the design and building of a solar greenhouse. It seems the less I fear the unknown the more ideas I have for creating new things in my life.

The fifth thing I value most is my relationship with my fiancé, Tom. He is my playmate, my lover and my best friend. The depth of our love and commitment to one another is reflected in the ease others feel in our presence. I believe we have created a safe place where our combined family members can bask in the love Tom and I share together. From Tom, I have learned more about connecting with other people and being genuinely interested in learning who they are. I have learned to slow down and connect with people, whether it’s the cashier at the local grocery store or a member of our family.

Each of the things I value in my life is reflected in who I am and how I live. I believe my inner strength is like the thread used to bind the pieces of a quilt together. My creativity provides for an every changing quilt face with new and exciting combinations. The relationships in my life provide the texture and beauty and together, we create a quilt my Grandmother would have been proud of.